April 9, 2020
What would she do?
The question flowed effortlessly into my mind. Inspired by my four year old’s plea’s for me to play with him and sound the alarm to start his race against himself.
He was happily running back and forth on the sidewalk in front of our house. It was a great afternoon. The sun was shining, the birds were singing.
I was sitting in the front lawn on a chair taking in the scene. Breathing in and out slowly while enjoying the various trees and the soothing sound of the winds blowing across the Potomac River. For a moment you could forget what was happening in the world outside our little bubble. It was a nice reprieve.
He had drawn a "starting" mark on the ground with blue chalk and was eagerly waiting to start the race and he said,
Mom! Say, ‘On your mark, get set, go!'.
Unenthusiastically I joined in. I said it. Then he demanded,
Say it again!
I did.
And then the thought came. What would she do?
Who is she?
She is the mom I want to be. The mom I even pretend to be when someone is watching. She’s happy. She’s strong. She’s a Proverbs 31 woman. She looks to the future and laughs because she isn’t worried.
She’s an entrepreneur who takes care of her home, her family and her servant girls. She works from sun up to sun down to bring honor and good to her family. Even when dealing with ‘rona, she's cool, calm and collected because of the strength of her faith.
That’s who she is. And that is who I want to be. And that is who I feel I have been failing to be. I berate myself over not being her. I taunt myself. I rehearse all the ways in which I am not her. Each morning I dread getting out of bed and seeing more of my faults and just wish a better mom would show up and save the day!
But that still small voice that gently nudges me out of bed each morning reminds me;I am more her than not her. That’s the truth.
His word admonishes me to meditate on what is good and lovely and honorable. So, for a moment, while sitting out front on the lawn chair I celebrated/chose to focus my attention on how I was actually outside. In the sun. Giving myself and my child the benefits of Vitamin D.I celebrated the fact that we had just had a healthy dinner, made by me. How we had a clean home, cleaned by me. How in that moment I was playing with my son, giving him attention.
I acknowledged that all of those things (which were exhausting and are often taken for granted)was all done in the strength God gives me to aspire to that Proverbs 31 status. I could sit there and beat myself up over not being perfect or I could relish in the accomplishment of all the ways I am getting it right. I could choose right now to enjoy the fruit of may hands.
So when he continued to engage me and beg for more, the thought came; what would she do?
She would have fun with her son!
So, in that spirit, utilizing one of his favorite words, I said, “on your mark, get set, fart!”, and allowed him to enjoy the misuse of the word with giggles of appreciation as my reward.
P.S. Would you like a little more Sunshine? Check out my latest Mental Health Vlog; "Maintaining a Routine Helps Lessen Depression Symptoms" In that video I first speak on how having a routine helps me maintain my mental health. Then I start rambling on like a true #NaturalHairRockStar about my amazing braid out featured in the video. :-)
Thanks for sharing! Very good, continue to think on what so ever is true and know you are not alone mama. Happy Mother's Day! ❤🌷
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! I appreciate your words :-)
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